unclekai

Ivna said to me a few days ago, ‘I sense a disturbance in the force. Take care my young padawan’. Whether he really meant it, or said it in passing as his witty parting moment, his (borrowed) words lingered in my mind for a long time. These few days have been pretty rough for me.

I guess it all began with my last birthday, which is not among the best I had. A great source of disappointment came from me not being a CA, with the rejection letter being dated 13 March. Also as important, was the realization of how far away from home and friends I am. For some reason, I suddenly felt very alone, even as I celebrated my birthday with a cake, dinner,gifts and friends. Everyone I feel close to, or can talk to are so far away. And then came the emoing.

I felt old, very old at 22. I’m the oldest in my dorm now. And i feel that I haven’t done really anything meaningful with my life, nor am I working towards anything substantial.  I haven’t really achieved many of my goals and expectations of me. My biggest fear is not dying, not reppeling off helicopters. It is me not meeting the expectations I have, others have, and most importantly, my mother has of me. I dislike the feeling of disappointment. It stinks. And I am old, and i need to catch up for lost time.

I want to be a better person, but I feel like the same person I am from 4, 5 years ago. Change for the better is what I need, but what I do not get. I feel so lost, so confused so unmotivated, and it sucks to have my finals during this period. And it is definitely lame that at this period where it’s supposed to be the prime of my life, I feel so directionless and unmotivated.

I hate to blog on such a bad note, and in such huge contrast to my post about my birthday just exactly a year ago. And I hated that I began every paragraph with an I. And I hate that this blog becomes a whiny one. But I thought it would be good to let if off my chest, somehow. And that I will remember this period. College is where you supposedly find your direction right? Hopefully, my future posts would be about cheery stuff. Hope.

I am screwed for my math midterms, bad bad badly.
I need to do a complete AAR on my life.~

Food is overrated.
Sleep is overrated.
Girls are overrated.
GPA is king.

Ok as promised, some badly taken photos of my room. Apologizes for my lack of photography skills.

This is unclekai in the New World. Circumstances have changed and I have moved in search of a better future. But my heart is still with my family and friends in Singapore, not least neighbour yussof who i’m pretty sure is enjoying himself in school.  A big thank you to all who wished me well and/or sent me off at the airport. I will hold dearly the gifts (they have come in very useful), but most importantly cherish the memories that we had. I miss home and you guys alreadi…

So unclekai is restarting this blog, to chronicle my passage to the new world. It’s been so long since i used this place that i forgot my username. Well i have crossed that hurdle and so on to some updates!:

I’m in my room, where my roommate is sleeping. Finally during this hectic week of orientation (still on going), I have some quiet and personal time to myself. This is important I realised, time to oneself to pause, to reflect, to think, to rest. After a week holiday in the area around New york (by the way Niagara Falls is absolutely beautiful, do go there in your lifetime), I arrived in school on monday 15 sep to a whole new world. And orientation has been a hectic, non-stop ride for me.

On my room. It’s huge, even for two person. It’s newly renovated so everything’s cool. But my side of the room is imbal messy. Something i carried over from army I guess–clothes on my bed, one side of my slippers are currently missing, and i still cant find my scissors. Sigh, have to start cleaning up soon, but i have been too busy and procrastinating. I will post photos of my room soon. In short, I love it, at least better than an army bunk

On my roommate, John. He is american from Milwaukee, which is actually just north of here. He’s a music major in French Horn and computer science. So he is super smart and super good in music. And most importantly he is a nice guy is who is cool about most things. So lucky unclekai has a nice roomie and I don’t foresee any problems (not yet anyways)

On my classes, I am taking Intro to Russian literature and global history and Maths and Microecons. I didn’t get my macroeconomics class which I am still depressed about. Hopefully i can muscle my way into the class. Karthik bless me. Russian literature will supposedly change my life, but we will see.

Now, on to social life, which is really what orientation is about. I came, I saw, and I died. Are there pretty girls? You bet. Are there handsome guys? Definitely. Are there smart people? Of course. Are there weirdos? Yes. There are all kinds of people from all over the world on campus. Everyone is generally friendly and sociable which is cool. But lonely unclekai still cannot slang, so it’s a major communication barrier. And somehow, the social dynamics is different here, though i still can’t pin down why. Just different from home. The ang mohs also all look the same to me, so i cant differentiate them and remember their names, which is a bad thing. But i should talk to them more, hanging out with Sg people or asians too much.

Ok, I will write more next time. Hopefully I can post photos too, once i get down to using my camera. There are too many things to do I don’t know which to start first. Lessons officially start next Tues, so I must really get on top of my things. Love.

Today, I passed my driving test and tomorrow, is my 21st birthday. Everything seemed according to plan, for now. And I am happy.

An inspirational video, very useful in jobless times.

Edit, in response to iguana:

Initially, I also didn’t understand the video, until I read a description about it. There are still many little details I don’t understand, but this is my own interpretation: Basically, it starts with the main character observing the world around him, one where everything was in reverse; people walking backwards, cars moving backwards, people falling upwards etc. He realised that the giants (success), all walked normally(forward). And he decided to do the same. People were astonished and cried out when they see him breaking the norm. Even strong winds blew against him. But he was undeterred and ran past the crowds, the petty fights, the distance and ultimately breaking a barrier of brick wall and became a giant himself. This act eventually inspires a little girl who takes her own little step forward.

Don’t be afraid to break boundaries and go against outdated ingrained rules. Your progressive act will inspire others to do the same.

78 Days. And starting from midnight tonight, 112320 minutes to ORD!~

Only ATEC and OPS B stand in the way. It’s coming, it’s near, I could almost smell the air of freedom. As I countdown to the day of liberation, I realise how far I have come in my 2 year NSF cycle. Almost 1 year 8 months ago, I entered army not knowing what to expect, and hell, what a damn journey it has been.

Most of my time has been spent with the sct platoon, especially the commanders. Trained together, lived together, hated each other. I say with certainty that this is the most extremist group of people in terms of character I have ever seen. From the irrational to the mad, to the irrationally mad; the hardworking, to the lazy, to the lazily madly hardworking; the feminine to the testereone charged mad man; from the petty to the hairy, ugly to the fatty, this platoon has it all. Sometimes I think that it is by some blessed fate, that SAF somehow managed to pick the weirdest of people to become gds scouts, and somehow it worked. Somehow, not least because we are all still alive.

I still am amazed at how far we have come together. Unbelievable, that none has killed each other yet, that none has not died of madness. What makes a NSF experience? It is the people. And as I reminiscence the times we spent together in Bedok, Brunei, Taiwan, Lim Chu Kang, I am glad of the experience I had. Not all are nice, and some are definitely regrettable and plain nasty. But I have learnt at least something from it. Especially with my PCs, I had/have/will have a hard time with them. But I am fortunate to have team members whom I can depend on, in the worst of scenarios, less an ex one. I am really glad to have them.

WTF? Above has been so emo. Nvm. ORD loh!

IT all began on 19/07/07; a rainy thursday morning where four dudes from all corners of Singapore congregate in a small house in YCK for a showdown of skills and luck (or izzit pure luck) in mahjong. The rain did not dampen our spirits as we promptly set up the DIY majhong table.

The first FEW rounds were okay. Win a bit lose a bit, basically a warm up round after a long absence from the scene of gambling (aside from soccer). AND THEN it begun. HARRY monster began to own and OWN badly. It was ridiculous and beyond explanation. As I saw my hand of 5 tais, FULL COLOUR, and even 1 tai fail to game, HARRY monster was gaming his way to heaven. I changed seats, washed face, off and on the TV, change the music, BATHED…. but NOTHING, nothing can stop the onslaught of bad luck against me. IT climaxed when I BAO MR COOL for his full colour. IT was a cool smooth $12.80 immediately, and of the feeling was plain orgasmic.

From then on, I lost all hope. Even after dinner, things were looking very very bleak. In the end, I have to resort to inflationary measures of adding more counters to everyone, just for me to stay afloat. Pathetic. The more I add, the more I lost, as HARRY monster maintain his position as banker,refusing to let the game end. Eventually $50 bucks flew away to ONE PERSON. But none of this can prepare me for the worse to come.

FOR company cohesion, it was an amazing race. The idea was to find answers to clues of places in town. Read the following for the question for a picture of lemon tee shop ‘Facing the shop, the shop below’ Naturally, and immediately, I conclude it is the shop one level below facing the Lemon Tee shop. But no, OC meant the shop directly below Lemon Tee. Sigh and wtf? While I was not chionging to be the first, neither am I racing to be the last. It’s just pure suayness, really, I find no other explanation.

For Bridge, I lost nine/10 games. Whenever I have good cards, I get lousy partners. Whenever I have bad cards, opponents’ cards are amazingly IMBAL. Whoever has bad cards partners me, whoever has good cards somehow just cannot choose me. Ridiculous. Irritating and more pek check to see cocky opponents.

AND TODAY, I lost $40 again.. in mahjong. Enuff said. Replaced Harry monster with Godlike Act Cut Monster (G)(ACM). And another player Lie Cheat Steal his way to victory.

THERE was no FRIDAY THE THIRTEEN, no sign of anything ominous approaching. But I am going through the darkest(blackest) days of the year. Or maybe, just maybe, I just that lousy. Boo. Sucks, the feeling of having this bad aura around me is not fun at all. Completely helpless against the dark side.

I decided: No MORE MAHJONG. NO MORE BRIDGE. NO MORE GAMBLING. (at least until the end of this dark period)

Luckitos! Hopefully this spell would help change my fortunes. Luckitos!